So, I am finally beginning to see the light. As a result of the tugo-o’-war between life insurance and education career goals, I am finally starting to see things more clearly. I wouldn’t say I had an epiphany, although a sudden realization did suddenly come upon me. There were a few things that led up to the discovery. The first, taxes. After spending all day on hold with the IRS, and finally getting some answers, I had a task ahead of me. Not a huge task, as I had done the footwork beforehand as was pertinent to bring forth my case to the Department of Labor, but I did need to gather proper evidence and send proof of my claim, but this time to the IRS.
In doing so, a conversation between Ali and I transpired. Ali exclaimed, “that insurance company really knows how to get people. They really take advantage of desperate people”. But, I, – I wouldn’t be desperate, not me! No way, no how! (I thought to my self). But, I had to reconsider, and come to realize that that is exactly what I was. Desperate for a job, and starving for a paycheck. My unemployment had just run out, and I was starting to get frantic. I had an unsuccessful year in the job department. I received a 60-day notice from the landlord’s stating that I needed to move out. With no job, and no money… the rug was definitely being pulled out from under my feet.
When that life insurance job landed in my lap, I believed that it was going to save me from the turmoil that I was facing, or at least the prospect of a paycheck would. It was the answer. So I invested everything I had, which wasn’t much, into getting a job there. I had to pay for online classes to obtain my Life Agent license with the Department of Insurance. I never studied so hard before in my life, and when I passed, it was the happiest day of life, and I had never been more proud of myself…
When I called the job to tell them I had passed, two weeks later, I should have known that it was a scam. But for the rug that was being pulled out from under me, and for the life of me, I couldn’t come to terms with that reality. It took me some $256 to even get my foot in the door over there, which was much more than I had in my bank account. When I say I invested everything, even though it wasn’t much, I mean I borrowed money from my church and friends to afford that $256 to get my foot in the door. For a poor person, especially a poor woman, who might soon be on the streets, that is a lot of money.
So I fought as hard as I could by working as hard as I could. I worked 80 hours a week. My future, my paycheck, and the thought of being able to afford to move into a new apartment were the forces that drove me to work so hard. I worked like my life depended on it, because it did. After not getting paid by that job, I still couldn’t believe it. After taking up a case with the Department of Labor, I still couldn’t believe it. After getting paid finally through the Department of Labor, I still couldn’t believe it.
But after the tedious chore of filing taxes this year and the conversation with Ali, I finally started to see it. I went through a lot. Perhaps I have to come to terms with it in increments, but I see the dream they sold me. I see how I was taken advantage of. And I definitely see the shattered dream of the false prospects I was sold. They did, they got me good. Why would I want to work in life insurance again? That is how I should feel. And slowly, it came upon me, why would I ever want to work in life insurance again, after all of that?
It is good to see things with this new perspective. I can see how out of whack things have gotten, and the utter confusion of it all. The loss of that career, and failed dreams; everything I ever learned and heard about “never giving up” went down the tubes. No longer applicable. This wasn’t about “giving up”. And if I gave up anything, it was the lie that they were feeding me. Ouch. They did prey on the poor, Ali was right. I guess I hadn’t wanted to own up to the fact that I was poor, I am poor. Ouch. I was the kind of person that could be taken advantage of. I needed to be careful. I needed to not be so trusting. I could not assume that others were good and honest, like myself.
I invested too much in it, I would have never walked away very easily. Not a happily ever after story, here. But at least I cannot say I never tried.
Now that I am beginning to come to terms with things, I can start weeding them out and focusing on the ESL gig or whatever. Hopefully some type of real real-job is in my future… So, I guess I don’t want to do life insurance anymore and I won’t plan on trying to go back to it.
Doing taxes really does open one’s eyes. I can now see that I am making less than $600 a month, living in a basement that would be like the suite of basements, or the upgrade.