Beginning to See the Light

So, I am finally beginning to see the light. As a result of the tugo-o’-war between life insurance and education career goals, I am finally starting to see things more clearly. I wouldn’t say I had an epiphany, although a sudden realization did suddenly come upon me. There were a few things that led up to the discovery. The first, taxes. After spending all day on hold with the IRS, and finally getting some answers, I had a task ahead of me. Not a huge task, as I had done the footwork beforehand as was pertinent to bring forth my case to the Department of Labor, but I did need to gather proper evidence and send proof of my claim, but this time to the IRS.

In doing so, a conversation between Ali and I transpired. Ali exclaimed, “that insurance company really knows how to get people. They really take advantage of desperate people”. But, I, – I wouldn’t be desperate, not me! No way, no how! (I thought to my self). But, I had to reconsider, and come to realize that that is exactly what I was. Desperate for a job, and starving for a paycheck. My unemployment had just run out, and I was starting to get frantic. I had an unsuccessful year in the job department. I received a 60-day notice from the landlord’s stating that I needed to move out. With no job, and no money… the rug was definitely being pulled out from under my feet.

When that life insurance job landed in my lap, I believed that it was going to save me from the turmoil that I was facing, or at least the prospect of a paycheck would. It was the answer. So I invested everything I had, which wasn’t much, into getting a job there. I had to pay for online classes to obtain my Life Agent license with the Department of Insurance. I never studied so hard before in my life, and when I passed, it was the happiest day of life, and I had never been more proud of myself…

When I called the job to tell them I had passed, two weeks later, I should have known that it was a scam. But for the rug that was being pulled out from under me, and for the life of me, I couldn’t come to terms with that reality. It took me some $256 to even get my foot in the door over there, which was much more than I had in my bank account. When I say I invested everything, even though it wasn’t much, I mean I borrowed money from my church and friends to afford that $256 to get my foot in the door. For a poor person, especially a poor woman, who might soon be on the streets, that is a lot of money.

So I fought as hard as I could by working as hard as I could. I worked 80 hours a week. My future, my paycheck, and the thought of being able to afford to move into a new apartment were the forces that drove me to work so hard. I worked like my life depended on it, because it did. After not getting paid by that job, I still couldn’t believe it. After taking up a case with the Department of Labor, I still couldn’t believe it. After getting paid finally through the Department of Labor, I still couldn’t believe it.

But after the tedious chore of filing taxes this year and the conversation with Ali, I finally started to see it. I went through a lot. Perhaps I have to come to terms with it in increments, but I see the dream they sold me. I see how I was taken advantage of. And I definitely see the shattered dream of the false prospects I was sold. They did, they got me good. Why would I want to work in life insurance again? That is how I should feel. And slowly, it came upon me, why would I ever want to work in life insurance again, after all of that?

It is good to see things with this new perspective. I can see how out of whack things have gotten, and the utter confusion of it all. The loss of that career, and failed dreams; everything I ever learned and heard about “never giving up” went down the tubes. No longer applicable. This wasn’t about “giving up”. And if I gave up anything, it was the lie that they were feeding me. Ouch. They did prey on the poor, Ali was right. I guess I hadn’t wanted to own up to the fact that I was poor, I am poor. Ouch. I was the kind of person that could be taken advantage of. I needed to be careful. I needed to not be so trusting. I could not assume that others were good and honest, like myself.

I invested too much in it, I would have never walked away very easily. Not a happily ever after story, here. But at least I cannot say I never tried.

Now that I am beginning to come to terms with things, I can start weeding them out and focusing on the ESL gig or whatever. Hopefully some type of real real-job is in my future… So, I guess I don’t want to do life insurance anymore and I won’t plan on trying to go back to it.

Doing taxes really does open one’s eyes. I can now see that I am making less than $600 a month, living in a basement that would be like the suite of basements, or the upgrade.


A Common Misconception: ADHD, ADD, & Adderall

A Common Misconception: ADHD, ADD, & Adderall

More often than not I hear the general consensus which has conclusively deducted the characteristics of ADHD& ADD into a category otherwise known as disruptive. I am here to tell you that the common dialogue concerning said learning disability is a bit disconcerting. For one, not ALL ADD kids or adults are “disruptive”. Contrary to popular belief, the poster child of ADD/ADHD is not always buzzing around the classroom disrupting students and teachers alike. They more often than not go unnoticed. You might have noticed something, but never could put your finger on it, though unmistakably you did notice something.

I have seen maybe one genuine case of ADD out of roughly 100. Yet, in that pool of children can you guess how many there are that others mistakenly believe to have ADD/ADHD?

Shocking to think about, I know. And it should be. There has always been a troublesome child that is hungry– starving for attention– who disrupts the classroom by intentionally acting out of order; for attention. Another truth that might be shocking is that attention-seeking behavior and ADD/ADHD actually have very little to do with one another. The general understanding of ADD/ADHD only shows how little people actually know about it.

Some research shows that people with ADD/ADHD are said to have high IQs. Some people with ADD/ADHD are actually extremely attentive, especially to detail. It is surprising because they do not appear to be paying attention or listening. They appear to be day dreaming. The reason is because they actually have an ABILITY to process a lot of information at once. Processing that information can be tricky. Some types of ADD/ADHD need more time to process information. Needing more time to process information because of an inability to turn off the focus on the details may make them appear to be slower than their peers. Quite to the contrary, though they are slower to process information, once they “get it” they thoroughly understand it and it is not memorized information. Their congnitive structures and the way they process so much information at once is most likely the reason for their high IQs. Their genius lies in the fact that they can hold two thoughts and/or ideas in their mind at the same time. Intellectually multi-tasking, if you will. “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Next, Adderall has a bad rap because it is known as a party pill. Some folks have set a bad example for everyone. Again, contrary to popular belief, not everyone is slanging their adderall like candy at college parties. Please advise those who have Adderall NOT to give it to anyone, not even their friends, even if they ask. They can say, “that’s against the law” or “I’m afraid I’ll get in trouble”. It’s not a “party drug” for everyone.

Stimulants have actually proven to be highly effective for those with ADD/ADHD. They help a person who may not be as aware more alert of themselves and the world around them. They help them control their quiet disruptions. What are those quiet disruptions? Nail picking, zoning out, speaking without thinking, having no filter, saying what is on their mind without thinking about what they are going to say first, to name a few… and that is just at one end of the spectrum. Pay close attention to the word spectrum, for ADD/ADHD is not a one size fits all. Diagnoses and the variations within the learning disability itself are as vast as those of Asperger’s and Autism.

The purpose of this article is not to blame or accuse but rather to gently inform the reader that it is unacceptable to diagnose the “problem-child” as having ADD/ADHD. The loud, disobedient, disruptive, quarrelsome, ornery children people have mistakenly come to misunderstand as ADD/ADHD is often nowhere near the quiet child who looks at the books on the shelves in the library; or a doodler, a person who doodles while listening to their teacher lecture in class, who is also a high achiever. They volunteer when asked to demonstrate an End-Game in Chess and know the play-by-play, piece-for-piece by heart. They demonstrate a deeper understanding of the game than would otherwise be common of a child of his/her age. And it is surprising that this child who is very distracted by the books in the library is the highest achiever in the class. It is also surprising when the doodler retains more information and a deep-rooted understanding of the material, which is not memorized. But again, this is not ALWAYS the case either. There is not just ONE TYPE of ADD/ADHD.

The mistaken understanding does not do anyone any good. The cultural misdiagnosis needs to stop.

Lastly, it has been shown that marijuana acts similarly to the stimulants Ritalin and Adderall in those with ADD/ADHD and it has been proven that marijuana helps them focus and get higher grades. I am not condoning that behavior. Always talk to a doctor first about taking Ritalin or Adderall. The opinions expressed here are striclty my own and are not a substitute for medical advice. Talk to your doctor first.

Left Wing Supremacy

A Letter From the Left:

Dear Government,

Tell me what my rights are: I have voted for you, I have given you power to decide for me what my rights are, I have voted for your laws, and your legislation; thus, I have voted in your dictatorship over my freedom as an individual.


Dear Media,

Tell me how to think: I voted for more government, more legislation, more laws; thus, I have taken away my own personal freedom as an individual.

Tell me what to think: I do not know how to think for myself, I do not know what to think, and I am not capable of formulating my own opinion as an educated and informed individual. I lack interest in the topics discussed in the news, therefore, I do not know much about them; thus, I am only able to regurgitate what I hear from you.

I am angry: I do not know why, I do not know at who or about what, but I do know that I need a reason to continue to justify my anger- and you continue to give me a reason to be so.

I have a loss of identity: I do not know who I would be if I was not angry, therefore, I need a source to fuel my anger and you do just that. Without my anger, I do not who I am, what I believe, or what I stand for.

I am by the media and for the media, even though this same source has been at the root of corruption, manipulative and brainwashing tactics since it’s beginning.

I have voted for an incorruptible machine to control me, my every move, and even my destiny. I have voted for the machine to think for me and tell me who I am, how I feel, and what I stand for. Without the machine, I feel I would vanish because my identity and sole purpose would be lost.

Without the government, who would I be?

Without the media, what would I think?



With Love Forever,

A mass majority public opinion (that happens to be coming from the left)


P.S.- Anyone who does not think like me, or feel like me, is public enemy #1, which is why I suffer from left-wing supremacy and have become everything that I claim to hate.